City Slickers...

It all started yesterday evening. There are two separate pastures for the milking cows- one at the house and another 2 miles down the mountain. The  cows down the mountain are easier to milk but you have to tie the barn animals up in order to milk them. Unfortunately one of the "down the mountain cows" was giving alfred some trouble, so he enlisted trey and I to help him corner her and tie her up for an easier milking experience. We piled in the car and drove down the mountain with an extra bucket so that trey and I could pick cherries while alfred milked the cows. Unfortunately Carmen (the cow in question) proved impossible to milk so alfred decided that our our only choice was to herd ALL 6 cows the 2 miles up the mountain (I had about 50 better ideas but my opinion was not requested). Now before I continue, I need to give you a picture of Alfred. Imagine if Arnold shwartzinager taught pepi le pue to speak English and you'd have an idea for his accent. He looks like Murdock from the A Team And when he gets angry he closely resembles a cross between a mad scientist and the mad hatter. We realized last night that our French can never improve with alfred around because the only French words he uses roughly translate to various synonyms of "whore". He also uses a version of our curse words which always comes out "fooking". So, back to the story. We had to drive all the cattle up the mountain while alfred screamed things like "I hate you fooking cows!" "you're the worst fooking cow I ever had!" "fook you!" he would scream incoherent instructions at us for how to keep the cows on the right path but by the time we could figure out what he was saying it was always a little too late. I think trey and I recieved our own set of expletives as well to say the least, and the evening included but was not limited to, trey trying to lasso a cow in chest high grass. We finally got the cows home, tied up and milked and after having dinner at 10pm we headed to bed. Last night we had the most intense weather of the trip. Crazy thunderstorms And pouring rain- unfortunately I had hung our laundry out to dry that afternoon... This morning was similar to most of our mornings here- Trey milked the cows and fed the pigs and I made cheese (however since we had tripled the # of cows in the shed, trey had quite a task when it came to mucking out the barn- 6 wheelbarrows full of "task" to be exact). This morning we had to take a new selection of cows back down the mountain because there is not enough grass  by the house. Unfortunately one of these cows was a 3 month old calf who had never been much farther than the walls of the barn. Let's just say we're no longer wondering why parents with young kids dont travel. Again, herding the cattle was disastrous. Alfred screamed, traffic jammed, cows pooped all over the highway, oh and did I mention it was pouring down rain? After finally arriving at the pasture, we had to work through the landminds of cow dung to get our cows into a fresh pasture. After the chaos Alfred gave us a rare "c'est bon!" (it's good) and we headed back up the mountain. Once there Alfred informed us that we would need to take a drive to get his hay tractor and cutting machine and since it would take him a few hours to finish it, we could go into the nearby town and explore. We were thrilled for the chance to experience another French alps town. The name of the town was Entreneux. It is absolutely gorgeous! You get to take a draw bridge to get inside the original city walls and there is an ancient  citadel used by Louis XIV that we hiked to. The view was incredible but unfortunately a week of cheese combined with a curvy Alps drive had messed with my digestive system. Suffice it to say the walk down had to be taken at a run and the sounds I made from that unsuspecting French bathroom may or may not have left a few seating opportunities in the restaurant. Alfred had asked us to get gas before heading back to the garage to pick him up. After 3 gas stations we were 20 minutes late and once again identified as some kind of French whore. We then taxied him 30 minutes away for his dental appointment and then drove another 30 minutes to get back to the garage where we left him for "finishing touches that should take about an hour". It is now nearing midnight and were on our way to pick up alfred from those finishing touches. In the time since we left Alfred, we've driven the 40 minutes home, herded and milked the cows, turned the cheese, slopped the pigs, made dinner, bathed and cleaned the kitchen.  Still hoping to get a chance to pick those cherries tomorrow but we're not holding our breath.